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Showing posts from 2015

It's called co-dependency

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Yesterday was a good day. I read my new Jenny Lawson book in bed and chuckled out loud, I went to yoga. I watched reruns with my daughter. I took pleasure in organizing piles of paper into more -- though smaller -- piles of paper. Pictures my children had drawn for me. Pictures other people's kids had drawn for me when I babysat them 25 years ago. One of these kids, Mairead Case, is now a Ph.D candidate in English and Creative Writing with her own first novel, See You in the Morning . I am very impressed and hopeful that maybe in some small way I contributed to this genius (or not). Either way, I now have her brilliant signed novel and original childhood art and writing to match. Maybe when she wins the National Book Award some day it will be worth something on Sotheby's. Speaking of art, I recently resolved to try more new things and take chances in 2016. I've been in slow motion most of the past year, doing yoga and reading books about co-dependency at the advice of my

And then there were three....

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It started with an email. We were all minding our own business watching some TV and having chill family time while multitasking on our phones (of course) and I saw an email from my daughter's tennis coach (paraphrase privilege here): WANTED: Host family for a Muslim female student from Kazakhstan. Her original  host family didn't work out as they have six cats and this student has a cat phobia.  She plays tennis and will attend our high school next year. Arrives next week!  We went on to read her sweet bio about how much she has always dreamed of coming to America and has a brother and sister and loves hanging out with her friends...and we were hooked. Convincing my husband was another matter.  You see I have this habit of wanting something very badly, wearing him down until I get it, then flitting off to the next thing. I admit this freely but this time I knew I had to carry my part of the bargain. For three days we negotiated. It wasn't that he didn't

Cisgender privilege: Whatcha gonna do about it?

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I've noticed the last few blogs I've written have been about someone very special...ME! As in, my struggles, my victories, my sadness, my loss, my love as a working Mom of two who lost her own identity somewhere along the way (but am trying to get it back).    Today though, I'm getting out of my little "me box" and talk about gender identity. I've been a member of PFLAG for several years since my son came out as a transgender man. In short, we raised him until 14 as a girl, when he really identified with being a guy. Once we realized this -- and it was not an easy road -- and helped him transition, he is much happier. But he's not out of the woods in terms of living like every other man.  I want to share a few things I learned from transgender folks and what is known as Cisgender Privilege. "What is cisgender" you might ask?  In simplest terms it is identifying with the gender you were "assigned" at birth. This assignment

"Feelings...nothing more than Feelings!"

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Recently my therapist advised me to get in touch with and honor my feelings. I sort of knew what she meant because my most popular feelings as a working mother are guilt, guilt...and guilt. Lately sadness has been popping up too with early menopause. If worrying about others was a feeling that would be my most popular feeling but it's not, it's a verb. Anyway, I vowed this weekend to follow her advice and what better, more mature, introspective way to do that than going to see a Pixar movie with my teenage daughter. Before I reveal which movie and the outcome, let me reveal that my kids -- and most people for that matter -- do not really relish seeing movies with me because, well, I like to chat. I like to openly (but quietly) share my thoughts and questions about the film and just assume my seatmate does too. "Who is that guy and what historical relationship did he have with her and what did she just say?"Is a common movie question for yours truly. You get the p

The Gig is UP!

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Tomorrow is a big day in our family. My youngest is getting her driver's license! Granted she turned 16 a month ago but got caught in a little lie which led to this unfortunate delay. She and her friends literally texted me, "Don't call the house because my grandma is sleeping!" What was worse is when I tracked them down at the pizza place and busted them for planning to sneak off to a bonfire I dramatically raised my finger and pointed at them like a witch and cried gleefully, "The gig is up!" Sadly this will haunt my daughter for the rest of her high school career. The last year has not been easy for me or my babies. I call them that with all due respect but it has been hard. I remember when they reached for me to pick them up, when I nursed them to sleep singing and they didn't roll their eyes, or when they wanted me to play games with them (God I wish I could get those times back!). Those were the days.  Now they think they know everything

Just do it!

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As I embark on a new push for self-care and healthy living, I am struck by the fact that I am capable of follow through but often don't. What's that about? Why is it so hard to stick to a routine? Why can't we pick up our clothes (daughter not me), put away coffee cup or write daily on my book like I committed to doing two months ago? I dunno. What I do know is that success and results do not come naturally or through laziness. For awhile now I've been using stress as an excuse. Yes I work a high pressure job -- so do millions of other people. Yes we recently had a family health emergency. Dealt with it. Yes my teenage children think I'm a dork and we often test each other's patience. Welcome to parenting. Yes a couple drinks (or more) a night can relax you and make you seemingly fun, but it also plays havoc on emotions, liver and health. My boss who is 67 recently ran a half marathon with his doctor son. Reportedly it was a little easier for dear old Dad

Baby steps are scary

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About five years ago (or maybe more) I wrote a children's book about a little girl named Pearl who was a picky eater. She goes to visit her grandma on a farm and eventually overcomes her limiting habit, returning home to a surprised but grateful mother. Truth: I was very proud of this book. Fact: I shared it with a few people including published authors but did not send to a publisher or agent. Truth: It's a pretty good book. Fact: I was afraid of rejection. Recently I've been going through therapy which has been both terrifying and empowering. The reasons I started are not the reasons I keep going. But because I kept going and listened to some people I admire and care about, I recently took the bold step to pull out the book and register for a regional writer's conference in April. I am both thrilled and frightened. What if they think my book is silly and tell me to rewrite it a million different ways. What if I just wasted a bunch of money by hanging my hope

Choosing fun and love

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I recently had the fortunate opportunity to accompany my corporate sister on a trip she won to Beaver Creek, CO. The funny part is she is not a skiier. So while she was off doing photo shoots in the snow with other winners for this contest, I was off zipping down the slopes after a five year hiatus from skiing. This is not a blog about skiing, however. It's about my rediscovery of how to have fun. The last few years have been personally challenging for myself and my family, both mentally and physically. I'm not sure if I forgot how to have fun or just denied myself the pleasure or made other things a priority. Whatever the case, during those two days on the mountain in the crisp air surrounded by mountains and snowcapped trees and brightly-garbed children getting their ski legs, I found fun. It wasn't like a hammer on the head or a burst of light...it just happened. I made a decision to "have more fun." This was what a little angel I read about, Jesse Lewis