Desperately seeking Zen

Recently my therapist advised me to get in touch with and honor my feelings. I sort of knew what she meant because my most popular feelings as a working mother are guilt, guilt...and guilt. Lately sadness has been popping up too with early menopause. If worrying about others was a feeling that would be my most popular feeling but it's not, it's a verb. Anyway, I vowed this weekend to follow her advice and what better, more mature, introspective way to do that than going to see a Pixar movie with my teenage daughter. Before I reveal which movie and the outcome, let me reveal that my kids -- and most people for that matter -- do not really relish seeing movies with me because, well, I like to chat. I like to openly (but quietly) share my thoughts and questions about the film and just assume my seatmate does too. "Who is that guy and what historical relationship did he have with her and what did she just say?"Is a common movie question for yours truly. You get the p...

Tomorrow is a big day in our family. My youngest is getting her driver's license! Granted she turned 16 a month ago but got caught in a little lie which led to this unfortunate delay. She and her friends literally texted me, "Don't call the house because my grandma is sleeping!" What was worse is when I tracked them down at the pizza place and busted them for planning to sneak off to a bonfire I dramatically raised my finger and pointed at them like a witch and cried gleefully, "The gig is up!" Sadly this will haunt my daughter for the rest of her high school career. The last year has not been easy for me or my babies. I call them that with all due respect but it has been hard. I remember when they reached for me to pick them up, when I nursed them to sleep singing and they didn't roll their eyes, or when they wanted me to play games with them (God I wish I could get those times back!). Those were the days.  Now they think they know everything...

As I embark on a new push for self-care and healthy living, I am struck by the fact that I am capable of follow through but often don't. What's that about? Why is it so hard to stick to a routine? Why can't we pick up our clothes (daughter not me), put away coffee cup or write daily on my book like I committed to doing two months ago? I dunno. What I do know is that success and results do not come naturally or through laziness. For awhile now I've been using stress as an excuse. Yes I work a high pressure job -- so do millions of other people. Yes we recently had a family health emergency. Dealt with it. Yes my teenage children think I'm a dork and we often test each other's patience. Welcome to parenting. Yes a couple drinks (or more) a night can relax you and make you seemingly fun, but it also plays havoc on emotions, liver and health. My boss who is 67 recently ran a half marathon with his doctor son. Reportedly it was a little easier for dear old Dad...