Desperately seeking Zen

What do you do when you realize life is just a blip in the Milky Way? Do you a) pull the covers over your head and refuse to get out of bed? b) take chances in all you do and say "yes" often because we're all gonna die anyway or c) sit back, take a breath and be grateful for all you have? I have been in stages of life where all these choices have made sense at the time. The trick is to keep rotating and not go to one extreme or another. I try to err on the grateful side as lately there are so many people I know who have come upon hard times due to illness or circumstance beyond their control. This doesn't make my own sufferings or conflicts any less important but it helps put it in perspective that as humans, we all suffer. Then we help each other up and keep moving forward. Or at least moving! Let's examine:  In the last month I have learned of a baby cousin with RSV in intensive care, a student hit by a car in a crosswalk, one colleague with a brai...

There are several things I hold sacred: my family, Saturday morning yoga and my girlfriends. I have different circles of girlfriends. One friend, Nikki, I have known since I was five years old. She taught me to ride a bike and how margarine in a tub is so completely amazing on white bread toast.  Another, Louise, has remained steadfast since our daughters started 1st grade together. She is a devoted mother of three, speaks with a British accent (which I sometimes unknowingly adopt when I am with her or talking about her) and has the uncanny ability to remember every accessory gift I ever gave her and wear it when we are getting together. I have friends from high school, college, summer camps, book clubs and past jobs. They all hold a special place in my heart and life for different reasons. Then there are "the girls." Formally known as the "Mandeville girls," for the town where I moved my senior year of high school. While I had no trouble being the new kid, I...

Yesterday was a good day. I read my new Jenny Lawson book in bed and chuckled out loud, I went to yoga. I watched reruns with my daughter. I took pleasure in organizing piles of paper into more -- though smaller -- piles of paper. Pictures my children had drawn for me. Pictures other people's kids had drawn for me when I babysat them 25 years ago. One of these kids, Mairead Case, is now a Ph.D candidate in English and Creative Writing with her own first novel, See You in the Morning . I am very impressed and hopeful that maybe in some small way I contributed to this genius (or not). Either way, I now have her brilliant signed novel and original childhood art and writing to match. Maybe when she wins the National Book Award some day it will be worth something on Sotheby's. Speaking of art, I recently resolved to try more new things and take chances in 2016. I've been in slow motion most of the past year, doing yoga and reading books about co-dependency at the advice of my...

It started with an email. We were all minding our own business watching some TV and having chill family time while multitasking on our phones (of course) and I saw an email from my daughter's tennis coach (paraphrase privilege here): WANTED: Host family for a Muslim female student from Kazakhstan. Her original  host family didn't work out as they have six cats and this student has a cat phobia.  She plays tennis and will attend our high school next year. Arrives next week!  We went on to read her sweet bio about how much she has always dreamed of coming to America and has a brother and sister and loves hanging out with her friends...and we were hooked. Convincing my husband was another matter.  You see I have this habit of wanting something very badly, wearing him down until I get it, then flitting off to the next thing. I admit this freely but this time I knew I had to carry my part of the bargain. For three days we negotiated. It wasn't that he didn...

I've noticed the last few blogs I've written have been about someone very special...ME! As in, my struggles, my victories, my sadness, my loss, my love as a working Mom of two who lost her own identity somewhere along the way (but am trying to get it back).    Today though, I'm getting out of my little "me box" and talk about gender identity. I've been a member of PFLAG for several years since my son came out as a transgender man. In short, we raised him until 14 as a girl, when he really identified with being a guy. Once we realized this -- and it was not an easy road -- and helped him transition, he is much happier. But he's not out of the woods in terms of living like every other man.  I want to share a few things I learned from transgender folks and what is known as Cisgender Privilege. "What is cisgender" you might ask?  In simplest terms it is identifying with the gender you were "assigned" at birth. This assignment ...

Recently my therapist advised me to get in touch with and honor my feelings. I sort of knew what she meant because my most popular feelings as a working mother are guilt, guilt...and guilt. Lately sadness has been popping up too with early menopause. If worrying about others was a feeling that would be my most popular feeling but it's not, it's a verb. Anyway, I vowed this weekend to follow her advice and what better, more mature, introspective way to do that than going to see a Pixar movie with my teenage daughter. Before I reveal which movie and the outcome, let me reveal that my kids -- and most people for that matter -- do not really relish seeing movies with me because, well, I like to chat. I like to openly (but quietly) share my thoughts and questions about the film and just assume my seatmate does too. "Who is that guy and what historical relationship did he have with her and what did she just say?"Is a common movie question for yours truly. You get the p...

Tomorrow is a big day in our family. My youngest is getting her driver's license! Granted she turned 16 a month ago but got caught in a little lie which led to this unfortunate delay. She and her friends literally texted me, "Don't call the house because my grandma is sleeping!" What was worse is when I tracked them down at the pizza place and busted them for planning to sneak off to a bonfire I dramatically raised my finger and pointed at them like a witch and cried gleefully, "The gig is up!" Sadly this will haunt my daughter for the rest of her high school career. The last year has not been easy for me or my babies. I call them that with all due respect but it has been hard. I remember when they reached for me to pick them up, when I nursed them to sleep singing and they didn't roll their eyes, or when they wanted me to play games with them (God I wish I could get those times back!). Those were the days.  Now they think they know everything...