Staying at home ain't so bad

My husband knew COVID-19 was coming before most Americans. While he's not a scientist or doctor, he is an engineer and if you know an engineer you know they like to have as much information as possible when learning about a subject or tackling a problem.

At first it was interesting, but as he came what I considered more "obsessed," I began to worry. What if he was right? What if this was going to be another pandemic like the Spanish flu in 1918. People at my work and some friends were not taking it as seriously. Before our "Stay Home" order from the Governor, I was an outlier in sharing my husband's knowledge. My requests at work to socially distance early on were met with reserve. I pushed it, sometimes in anger. "It's no worse than the flu," people said. 

Boy were they wrong! 

My respect for my COVID-19 sponge of a husband grew. While I didn't go down the rabbit hole with him, I learned from him and an occasional New York Times article just how serious this was. My son, who lives in Brooklyn, was in the epicenter and we worried about him. Sure he was a children's librarian who got sent home (with a paycheck), but as we saw the body bags on TV and more young people contracting the virus, we offered him a plane ticket back to Washington (he declined) where, ironically, this all began. Or so we think. 

One day I put it out there, "What if I already had it?" My husband, who had taken me to the urgent care clinic back in November when I spiked an unexplainable 103 fever knew what I was talking about. "But then why didn't I get it?" I shrugged. The flu test I had was negative at the time, but the doctor gave me Tami Flu anyway. There was no cough or no loss of smell or taste. So I kept wearing my mask and staying home. 

I'll admit, the idea of having antibodies was appealing, especially six weeks into the "Stay Home" order. I thought of all the things I could do if "set free" including visiting my aging parents in Texas. Then again, even if I could miraculously and safely travel, they were on lockdown at the assisted living apartment. My sister could visit once a week to do their medications but she had to go through a temperature check and screening before she could go upstairs. They spend most their days watching Netflix movies about horses or Blue Bloods. Sometimes they venture out for socially distanced BINGO! Dad likes that and often wins. Their meals are delivered to their rooms with "too much styrofoam trash." My Dad (and Mom) fall down more frequently as their muscles weaken. We talk daily and sometimes Facetime (which often means seeing half of my Mom's face or her thumb on the screen). But it's not the same. I can't hug them or do things to help them or my sister who has become their primary caregiver. It weighs on me every day. 

Still there are silver linings to all this:

1. I have learned I am much more productive working from home. And while I miss my colleagues and going out to schools (my job is in school public relations) we Zoom and chat and still get the work done. 
2. I can still see my daughter who came home from college recently to "borrow" our dog to help her through the isolation of being an almost 21 year old on a closed college campus. Yes, she has been strictly isolating. 
3. My husband and I have grown in our love and appreciation for each other. We order takeout once a week to support local businesses, but mostly we cook every night. Meet up for microwave lunches and walks at noon. And walk, lots of walks. We recently even broke out Yahtzee as a diversion to Netflix and the anxiety that is Stranger Things. 
4. I realized how little I really need. Our spending has gone way down. I get anxious when I do have to go to a store on occasion and yes I am one of those people who resent others who refuse to wear masks. But at least I'm doing my part! 
5. Having a pet is a saving grace. He doesn't know why we are home all the time but he is undeniably happier. And he makes us laugh. We also got to experience DIY grooming and nail clipping which my husband swears "Never Again!"
6. I joined a writing group with two amazing women who inspire me and give me confidence that maybe, maybe someday I will finish that book. 
7. I've learned who my real friends are. I can count on one hand the people I am in contact with regularly. This is my tribe and I will be there from them when this is over. 
8. I discovered Marco Polo video app (think Snap Chat for grown ups) and the fact that finally I can make my sister -- the funny one -- belly laugh with the "macho" voice effects. 
9. I learned I can make a mean batch of fudge with four simple ingredients in the microwave. 
10. I can stay sober during a pandemic. Blessed to have my recovery family and Zoom meetings. And keep praying that everything's gonna be alright. 

So that's it. My take on the pandemic. Not profound. Not lifesaving. Just what it is during a time we all will never forget. 

Be well, be safe and be kind. This pandemic should not be about politics and it saddens me that it has become that. I pray the 2020 election will progress as planned. And I pray for a vaccine. And I pray for love to trump (sorry) hate and fear. 

#peaceout