Desperately seeking Zen

It started out simply like it often does. The desire to do something nice for someone, or simply feel that rewarding sense of accomplishment. A box checked.  An overdue phone call. A post it note recycled. A sock drawer cleaned out because, why not? In this case, on the brink of Halloween, it was a quest to find flat candy. "What the hell is flat candy?" you might ask (and did if you are my husband).  Well get comfortable because this is a tall tale to tell and possibly one you can relate to if you are a) an overachiever, b) a little OCD, or c) just like "the hunt." A little background: Many moons ago I had the privilege of traveling on a group study exchange to India with some other -- at the time -- young people (all Canadians) and our leader, a Rotarian and American named Dan. We were there five weeks and it was both grueling and unforgettable. I got girardia which stayed with me for a year. I jogged around cows. Living on the go with different Indian fa...

When I turned 50 I knew I had a lot of things to look forward to: menopause (complete with hot flashes); insomnia; thinning hair; Clarks comfort loafers; and yes, neck wrinkles! All that glory aside, I never envisioned that a hip replacement would be part of my 5th decade. I had been having some groin pain off and on for about six months. It was worse when I took long walks. Physical therapy and treatment for "lazy gluts" (aka my butt muscles) helped a little but then the pain got worse. Maybe I was just getting old!? Just in case I requested an X-ray just to see what was up. So as I sat in the surgeon's office one June day and heard the words "bone on bone" and "hip replacement" I was a bit flabbergasted. How did this happen? For exercise, I walk and do yoga. I ride my bike a few times a year to feel the wind in my hair and sun on my face (and appease my bike fanatic husband who thinks nothing of a 30-mile trail ride). Hip replacements were for...

As a working journalist, deadlines were my savior. You had a good 8 hours to research, report and write an 8 inch story - no excuses. If you didn't meet them there would be a big hole on the front page and your ass was grass. Fast forward nearly 30 years and deadlines are no longer my friend because generally I set them myself. Or I have too many. Or I put them off. Or they are impossible to meet. See -- excuses! Same for being on time. I am the queen (ask my coworkers and friends) of being 5 minutes (or more) late because I am always trying to get "one more thing" done before I go off to another meeting or appointment. One time I was late to get home so my kindergartner had to ride the bus back to the bus barn where I had to pick her up in shame. Still, I kept putting things off. Awhile back I just sort of gave myself an "out" and said, "You know what, I'm pretty good at everything else. The world won't stop if I'm a little late to...

When you hear the word depression what do you think of? Maybe someone who sleeps all day and stops eating and showering. Or perhaps someone who only thinks about themselves and chooses not to be in a good mood. Worst case, someone who thinks about ending their life.  Or maybe someone like me.  According to Mayo Clinic, depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Now you might think, "well everyone feels sad once in awhile and you just need to snap out of it." Folks I'm here to say on behalf of those of us who suffer from depression -- mild or severe -- it's just not that easy. Depression can be part of your being, caused by biology, brain chemistry, genetics or hormones. It can be triggered by an incident such as a death in the family or other loss or trauma. For me it's a little bit of everything.  There is no typical candidate for depression. I have suffered from it my whole life and only sought p...