Flat candy and other obsessions

It started out simply like it often does. The desire to do something nice for someone, or simply feel that rewarding sense of accomplishment. A box checked.  An overdue phone call. A post it note recycled. A sock drawer cleaned out because, why not?

In this case, on the brink of Halloween, it was a quest to find flat candy.

"What the hell is flat candy?" you might ask (and did if you are my husband).  Well get comfortable because this is a tall tale to tell and possibly one you can relate to if you are a) an overachiever, b) a little OCD, or c) just like "the hunt."

A little background: Many moons ago I had the privilege of traveling on a group study exchange to India with some other -- at the time -- young people (all Canadians) and our leader, a Rotarian and American named Dan. We were there five weeks and it was both grueling and unforgettable. I got girardia which stayed with me for a year. I jogged around cows. Living on the go with different Indian families and going to countless presentations was exhausting, but during that time my team and I became incredibly close. Jen worked with at risk youth. Terry, since passed, worked in fisheries. I especially hit if off with Caroline, a French and culinary teacher from Victoria, B.C. She was about 10 years younger than me. We bonded while sharing ear buds during a very bumpy and long bus ride to the Taj Mahal and formed a lasting friendship.

Fast forward past her wedding, many cross border visits, and the birth of her two beautiful children William and Sabrina. They started calling me "Auntie Courtney" which of course I adored as my kids were now teens and less huggy. We talked on the phone, I brought them gifts and read books when I visited. Enter "flat candy."

I love to send cards and buy gifts. It's just a thing I enjoy. Halloween was no exception. I still could not resist sending cards and a $5 bill to my adult children, now 20 and 23 (sad but true). But for the real live Canadian KIDS I could do even more! I had learned the hard way that sending international mail through USPS could be extremely expensive. Like $30 for $5 worth of candy. So I hatched a plan to send cards, stickers and...flat candy. Plus some cute little animal pins.

"Are you sure those are safe for the kids," my cautious husband warned. Such a buzz kill!

"I"ll wrap them in tissue they will be fine," I snapped. "Caroline can pin them on their jackets or something."  I just had to find some flat candy and get to the post office.

So, despite just having hip replacement only a couple weeks before. I hatched a plan on the first day I got the OK to drive. I would go to physical therapy, go to Target and find the mysterious flat candy, and then go mail the two envelopes with USPS none the wiser, saving myself a lot of money and making my little maple leaf wee ones to the North very happy!

Of course this is not what happened.

I did my physical therapy which include some serious ouch massaging on my scar tissue. Then I sat in the car for a nanosecond and thought, "Is going to Target really a good idea?" I brushed that aside. I had been cooped up in my house for nearly two weeks. Icing my leg every hour, hobbling with a cane, relying on my husband for everything including putting on my damn socks, and I was determined then and there to FIND FLAT CANDY!

So off I went with my cane and prayers that I would not see anyone I know because I wore no make up, was sporting two-day old sweats and was on a mission I did not need interrupted with chit chat.

As we all know, seasonal stuff is in the far friggin' corner of Target so I got my steps in one at a time. I reached the picked through candy section filled with monster-sized bags of candy but did not see the flat little individual pumpkin or ghosts I had imagined existed. Settling on some lame Dove chocolates with pumpkin wrappers, I started to slouch back to the checkout when I saw it (see photo) -- Flat Candy! Yes, Ghiradelli Squares. And what's more, Milk Chocolate PUMPKIN SPICE caramel flavor. I knew now the pumpkin and boo spirits were aligned with me on this one.

Making my way through check out I was like that playing piece making its way to the Candy Castle square in Candyland!  I could feel their little fingers opening the orange envelopes after school. I could hear the shouts of glee as they unwrapped the little pins (and did NOT poke themselves), and squealed at the special shiny chocolate squares and puffy ghost stickers that all fit in the envelope. I was obviously hallucinating.

I got the envelopes ready in the car as I sat at my final destination outside the post office. I shoved as many flat candies as I could into each orange envelope and licked them shut. I marched passed the homeless couple hanging outside -- catch you later -- and up to the counter. I always smile at postal workers and some smile back. This guy gave me a flat grin. Then he started feeling up my envelopes. If I was someone who broke out in a sweat I would have. Instead I just grinned bigger.

"What's in here?" he asked.

I paused, not losing eye contact. "Candy," I replied. "For some kids." Why I left out the oh-so-previously-important "FLAT" adjective I didn't know.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Sorry. You will have to fill out a customs form. This becomes a package when you put stuff in it," he told me.

DAMN IT ALL!

"Really?" I pleaded with my smile and eyes, even though I knew no amount of flat candy crap was going to change the rules of the USPS. "How much?" I asked with a gulp.

"Fifteen dollars at least," he said, a little sympathy in his voice.

Now, I have a good job and could have bought a box and paid the $15 but for whatever reason - -exhaustion, frustration or frugality -- I did not. Instead I peeled open the envelopes, removed the pins and precious candy and sighed as the kind postman taped them back up for me as I secretly prayed he would at least let the puffy ghost stickers through (he did!).

When I got to the car I greedily ate one of the coveted flat candies. It did not disappoint even though Auntie Courtney did.

Moral of the stories my pretties? Mail order, mellow out and listen to your husband even though you don't want to. And don't forget to laugh at yourself or you will go insane. 

Oh and after Halloween go find some 50 percent off Ghiardelli Milk Chocolate Pumpkin Spice Caramels. They'll be in the flat candy section.