I would like to blame it on getting older, and recently a very stressful period in my life, but alas, I remember early in my marriage going through the trash looking for something. I had on my nightgown and was on my knees digging through potato peels, Hamburger Helper leftovers and whatever else a young couple just-out-of-college eats. I have no clue what I had lost or if I found it but I remember looking up and seeing my husband looking at my like a curious specimen in a museum (or maybe a zoo). I was slightly ashamed but had no apology. I lose things. I stress. I guilt. It's what I do. Just like I am notoriously at least 5 minutes late to every meeting even though I know it appears rude and unthoughtful.
Lately it has gotten worse though. I do get distracted by the needs of my children, the household and work. My mothering skills. Overcommitment. Not to mention that I'm now past "mid-life" even for my strong genetic line of old women. The dark circles under my eyes and droopy lids, along with wrinkles on my neck tell me that maybe time is not on my side. Sorry Mick.
The other day my husband said, "I need to have more fun." I agreed wholeheartedly and we've done pretty good the last five years taking a month off to travel the world with our kids. But once we get home, we speed through life running errands, meeting deadlines, crossing milestones, attending funerals, raising children, losing pets, gaining weight, losing weight, making new friends, losing old friends and then you wake up one day and say, "Hold it!"
My semi-regular practice of yoga helps me now and again helps me to breathe "in the moment" but it never seems to last. I find it. I lose it.
And so it goes....where did it go again?