The last year has not been easy for me or my babies. I call them that with all due respect but it has been hard. I remember when they reached for me to pick them up, when I nursed them to sleep singing and they didn't roll their eyes, or when they wanted me to play games with them (God I wish I could get those times back!). Those were the days.
Now they think they know everything, but can't return library books in time, pick up their clothes or put down their GD phones! In retaliation, I continue to treat them like they are far younger than their "wise" 16 and 18 year old selves. I nag, they push back. I pry, they shut down. It's not to say there aren't moments of love and a hug here and there but I would not define us as "buddies" and what I've come to realize in the last few weeks is....that's OK!
The job of a Mama lion or bear or bird is to push her kids away. Find their own pride or gang. To learn how to succeed or fail on their own and hope and pray we have taught or demonstrated the skills to survive. I hate the idea of predators, Or freak accidents. Or broken hearts. But it's not my job anymore to put them in a bubble.
This is a hard lesson for me. I'm trying...really I am. I follow them stealthily on Twitter but don't know their Tumblr blogs. I get the most results when I'm not asking questions but lying on the couch reading or driving with them in the car.
For now, I am lonely for a little hand. A squeal. Bathtime. In fact, I think I'll go text my youngest now or look up where she is on Find My Phone.